


learning to fall

by jaehyoons97



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:07:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6393793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaehyoons97/pseuds/jaehyoons97
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Sehun fell in love was unforeseen.<br/>The second time Sehun fell in love, he was prepared.<br/>The third time was a little bit of both.</p>
            </blockquote>





	learning to fall

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY THIS STORY IS FINISHED

****The first time Sehun fell in love was unforeseen.

He had always been close with Luhan—with everyone in the group—in a brotherly way but there was something about the older that made him appear special in his eyes, that whenever he showed that vibrant smile of his and left little touches on his skin, it incited a warm sensation in his stomach which Sehun could not describe how strange he felt about it.

Sehun did not mind it at first, because despite the strange feeling, he also found it pleasant that it somehow became sweetly addicting. He began to seek for more touches from Luhan, letting himself submerge in the bliss of the older’s comfort and fulfil his needs. Along the way, Luhan had become his most favorite thing (he knew he couldn’t call Luhan as a _thing_ , but at this point Sehun didn’t exactly know what to refer Luhan as because he was sure brothers didn’t have the desire to pin one another to a wall and make out, so ‘thing’ he shall be), which meant this was something major because bubble tea and Miranda Kerr were supposedly his only obsessions.

It also felt foreign, as one thing Sehun was positive about was that he had never felt that way before, and that was the moment he noticed he had fallen in love with the older. What he did not expect was that everything went so smooth. He was scared and nervous when he first realized his feelings toward Luhan to the extent where he could almost freak out because Luhan was a guy and there was no way he would survive people’s judgment if he were to be found out. But Luhan made it easy.

It might be because of Luhan’s amicable personality that everything just seemed so natural with him, that Sehun’s anxiety had been brushed away in a swift (and Sehun was so grateful because anxious Sehun is lame Sehun and never should anyone witness that). Since then, the little gestures in what people might call ‘fan service’ were done with intentions.

Sehun thought he had been subtle until one night when they were alone in his room, Luhan asked him, “Sehun-ah, do you like me?”

The younger paused for two seconds before rolling his eyes and putting on his sass, “You wish.”

The older had choked out a chuckle, the corner of his eyes wrinkle in amusement and Sehun swore he could stare at that smile for eternity. “Because I like you, too.”

Sehun gazed at Luhan’s face, trying to figure out if he was only messing around because Luhan could be such an ass sometimes (Sehun loved him anyway because asshat Luhan was the only one that can outsass him) but he could see a slight blush on the older’s cheeks and Sehun swallowed nervously.

They were quiet for a moment until Luhan turned his head to look at him and said, “Can I kiss you?”

Sehun responded with a slow shrug before Luhan leaned in to kiss his lips. He had braced for the awkwardness, but it never came as the soft peck felt just right.

The second time they kissed was a second after their first. Sehun had made a mental note to kiss back this time and the result was _magic_ : the way Luhan’s hand slid up his neck to rest at the back of his head and pulled Sehun in to close the gap between them made Sehun giddy with excitement, while his hands found Luhan’s jaw to deepen the kiss. His head was fuzzy when they pulled apart, his face started to burn and Sehun didn’t dare to look at the older’s eyes until Luhan kissed his nose and Sehun had to look up to find Luhan’s face was also painted in shades of red; it was the most beautiful Luhan had ever looked that night.

They were never lovers, however. Because Sehun thought—maybe Luhan too—that whatever they had then was perfect. Any statuses that indicate their relationship were never needed and little to no explanations were necessary for the rest of the group to understand.

He was left almost soulless when Luhan announced he was leaving.

They had discussed it together beforehand and Sehun thought he could bear the consequences—they could still contact each other after all, it was not like everything would be over once Luhan had left. But of course, everything couldn’t always go as he wished.

He lost count of how many nights he spent awake, thinking about Luhan and only fell asleep in exhaustion to dream about Luhan. Joonmyun had paid extra attention to him as his getting lost on his thoughts of Luhan’s absence began to affect the group’s activities.

On the same night he received hours of lectures from Joonmyun, Zitao came into his room. That was the first time Sehun let his guard down and cried his first tear since Luhan’s leaving.

.

.

.

The second time Sehun fell in love, he was prepared.

Sehun threw a pillow at Zitao when he entered his room—talking with Joonmyun had drained his energy (not that he was listening, but it was still tiring to sit at the same spot for almost a couple hours), he just wanted to sleep and forget ~~Luhan~~ everything. But of course, Zitao easily dodged the pillow and kept walking to Sehun’s bed so Sehun pulled his blanket up to his head, refusing to talk. When he felt a dip on the edge of his bed, Sehun rolled his eyes and let Zitao yank the blanket from his grip, exposing himself.

_Persistent little shit._

“What do you want,” Sehun mumbled incoherently.

Zitao gave him a raise of his eyebrow. “Rude. Is that how you talk to your hyung?”

Sehun sat up and leaned back against the bed’s headboard, his arms crossed over his chest. “What. Do you. Want,” he repeated.

A disbelief look was shot at Sehun and Zitao rolled his eyes. “Ugh, okay whatever. Joonmyun-hyung took so long talking to you so I thought your problem was pretty serious. And being the kind person I am, I’m here to help you. But, since you’re too much of a dick, I guess forget it. You’re not worthy enough to receive my share of wisdom.”

“Good. Now leave me alone.”

Zitao’s jaw dropped in a very ugly manner that almost sent Sehun laughing if only it did not make him recall how Luhan could pull off an even derpier face and made him spit water through his nose. But maybe he should give Zitao a chance because Sehun must admit, he had been such a shit friend lately for being too lost in his thoughts of Luhan and neglecting Zitao who probably also needed a mental support after everything that’d happened with.... Ah. Right. ‘Dick’ would probably be the correct word to describe him now.

So Sehun grabbed Zitao’s wrist as the older stood up to keep him from leaving the room.

“Sorry,” he managed to convey an apology while looking away because he knew Zitao too well to tell that the older was giving him a smug look as he said it. “Let’s talk?”

Talk was usually Sehun (not really) listening and throwing a _hmm_ or _yeah_ or _totally_ here and there amidst Zitao’s relentless rambling about his hair, his outfit, and his constant complaints of Baekhyun borrowing too much of his eyeliner. But this time their roles were switched; Zitao was the one nodding and keeping eye contact while Sehun poured his heart out, only stopping once in a while to give Zitao a _should-I-keep-going-because-I-don’t-want-to-bore-you-to-death-with-my-sad-pining-of-Luhan-and-besides-don’t-you-have-something-to-share-too_ look before continuing after the older encouraged him with another nod, his eyes never left Sehun even for a brief moment.

And when he finished, his throat dry from talking too much, there was still a lump in his chest begging to be spat out but Sehun didn’t have any energy left to even open his mouth to speak. The moment Zitao draped one arm over his shoulder and said, “Yeah, I know,” to the following silence was the moment Sehun felt the lump melt, along with his tears, and let himself be engulfed in a comforting hug because he knew that Zitao _knew_. And Sehun could feel Zitao slightly shaking, which Sehun completely understood because Zitao used to be in his position once. He couldn’t imagine how Zitao went through the same heartbreak without anyone having any idea about how he felt. The younger then buried his face deeper into the older’s chest upon the thought.

He might be a jerk for saying this but; how lucky he was to have Zitao with him, to have someone know how he actually felt, to have someone accompany him without nosily trying to suggest what he should or should not do. And despite how lame he looked right now, vulnerable and weeping in someone’s arms, at least he felt a lot better.

Never had he thought that he would bond with Zitao over the loss of their loved ones but alas, they did. And when their bond had somewhat surpassed the line of brotherhood, Sehun had been ready for what was coming.

Their relationship was wild; it was like living up to the times they have missed during trainee days and goof around like—although he had to admit, they were already are—children except they were of legal age now and no one could stop them from drinking and going to clubs to be free of their responsibilities for awhile before going home to make out behind the kitchen counter and have sex in Joonmyun’s closet.

They were playing, Sehun understood, since both of their hearts had been ripped out of their chests to feel anything more. And albeit Sehun couldn’t deny the fact that Zitao made him feel like whole again, he chose to suppress his urge to demand more of their relationship because it wasn’t Sehun’s name that slipped out of his tongue when the older reached climax. It wasn’t Sehun that the older dreamed of when he fell asleep next to him, bare beneath the covers and mumbling the former leader of the Chinese team’s name.

And it was okay because knowing his best friend, Sehun had seen this coming and had braced himself for the uneasiness that followed whenever they came down from their high. At least he had someone to make him feel loved again and that was enough for Sehun.

Zitao gave him faith that he wasn’t as wrecked as he thought he was.

Sehun was even more destroyed and ruined when Zitao unexpectedly left, even more than when Luhan had quitted, seeing that his beacon of hope turned out to be just a mirage; a trap to another cruel downfall.

.

.

.

The third time was a little bit of both, which put Sehun in a disastrous dilemma.

Apparently Zitao’s quitting had left a huge scar on Sehun and even though he was perfectly able to function normally instead of being lost in his thoughts (much to Joonmyun’s delight), he didn’t dare to even let anyone get close to him unless work called for it. He still let his hyungs touch him, hug him, cling onto him, but as soon as the camera couldn’t reach him, he shrugged off of them and shut them out entirely.

It wasn’t harmful at first, because the hyungs got the message almost immediately—although it took Baekhyun and Chanyeol a couple of hits on the head from Kyungsoo (to whom he must be thankful) and a deadly, menacing glare from himself for them to refrain from poking him and basically being insensitive jerks again and again.

It became so however, as his defence mechanism somehow increased whenever Yixing is around. His pushes became powerful shoves to the ground, his shrugs included the painful jabs of his bony elbow, and if his reflex were at it too, he would add some punches and kicks until Jongdae and Minseok had to drag him away from Yixing before it went worse.

Maybe it was the fact that he seemed to always have a thing for the Chinese members that made him become fully alert when it came to Yixing. Moreover, seeing that his last relationships with them always ended up in separation—not with him only, but with the whole band as well—traumatized him so much he didn’t dare to risk getting hurt again.

Sehun was not in love with Yixing, and would definitely not be because he wasn’t a dumbass who would fall in the same pit hole of misery thrice.

At least, that was the plan.

Of course reality had to screw him up when he was told to pair up with Yixing—of _all_ the members—for Playboy.

Minseok and Jongdae were sharing anxious eye contacts throughout the dance practice but Joonmyun assured them that Sehun was a professional performer who wouldn’t get into mad dog mode at least on stage, to which Sehun just sighed and nodded weakly, silently praying Joonmyun’s statement was true. He couldn’t imagine how much of a nightmare it would be for him to dance with a bit of fan service here and there with Yixing.

The choreography itself wasn’t difficult for Sehun to carry out, as expected of his dancing skills. But the touching and the brushing and the little extra gestures were horrible and by horrible he means very, awfully, _torturing_.

The way their shoulders touched, the way they maneuver their bodies in harmony, the way their hips brush against each other always made him wonder what it would feel like if he turned around and grinded his pelvis against Yixing’s ass—he blamed this on Zitao. On him, and all those sleepless nights they had spent in pure ecstasy, when he couldn’t feel anything but Zitao’s incredible heat around his cock, his tight rim squeezing him up to the base as he fucked the older with no mercy from behind, embarrassing sounds spilled out from his lips Sehun had to seal them with kisses because while he loves listening to Zitao pleading him to go harder, _harder_ , _**harder**_ , it was still heartbreaking when the older whined, cried out _Kris_ in between his breathless moans.

Sehun missed the touches, the warmth, the intimacy Zitao had introduced him to when they had silently made a promise to not let their feelings get in the way of their sex—which Sehun failed to hold onto because he just couldn’t understand the idea of lovemaking when there was no love involved.  So when the choreographer told (yelled at, because Sehun had been screwing up the team dynamics) him to build more chemistry with Yixing and he finally got it right 20 minutes before practice ended, he stormed out of the room, called dibs on the shower and jacked himself off. The image of Yixing bent against the bathroom tiles in front of him, calling out _**his name**_ , drove him to the hilt until his hips shook in utter pleasure and his cock shot out his cum, his tongue betrayed him as the last syllable of Yixing’s name slipped away from his mouth.

Sehun was frustrated. He was pathetic, he was pining and longing and desperate because he began to think about how Yixing’s lips would taste like (although he vividly remembered they tasted like matcha flavored pepero). How nice would it feel to have Yixing cuddled up to him on cold Sunday mornings. How interesting would it be to see Yixing’s reaction, what sort of noise he would elicit if Sehun nuzzled at his neck, kissing a little spot just right under his ear. But more importantly; how it would feel if Yixing were to love him.

Being loved was all that Sehun wanted; he’d had a sip of it with Luhan and oh gosh did it taste heavenly. And despite the shit he went through with Zitao, he got to have a small drop of it and suddenly all the bitter, dark memories turned sublime.

It would be easy if Sehun were to accept the fact that with all the simple gestures and smallest of smiles Yixing made him fall deeper and harder. Because he had been tired of avoiding, of averting his attention somewhere else when at the end of the day his mind kept drifting back to Yixing. But Sehun was too scarred, too afraid that if he were to succumb to his feelings again the damage would be three times worse. It was as if he was cursed or some sort.

And at one night when he was concentrating on numbing himself from his senses, making use of the freezing 3 am air of Seoul on the rooftop of his dorm to escape from his feelings, Yixing just had to run into him and ruined the focus he’d been building up for fucking hours. Fuck.

“Oh? Sehun?” Yixing called him when he opened the door to the roof and Sehun scoffed inwardly at the lame unintended pun.

“What are you—” the older spoke, taking a step forward and Sehun took a step back in reflex—Yixing noticed this and halt.

Silence filled the atmosphere until Yixing closed the door behind him, tension rising between them as Yixing took a step closer, slowly and mindful of Sehun’s anxious state and when he sees the younger didn’t flinch away he took another step, and another until Sehun was one step away from him.

They stayed like that for minutes, staring at each other and Sehun felt weak the longer he looked at those observing eyes—which he loved about Yixing because from what Sehun had seen, Yixing had always been a silent knight, choosing to stand in the shadows and watching from afar while at the same time taking care of the members, of EXO, in his own way.

“Sehun-ah,” Yixing said, breaking  eye contact as he shifted his gaze to the ground, “if you’ve got something to say, please do tell.”

Sehun scrunched his eyebrows, unsure of how to respond and he was still quiet when Yixing looked up, asking for answers.

“Okay then, I’ll start,” the older said again and Sehun took a deep of breath just in case.

“I love you.”

Sehun looked away and coughed out a mockery laugh despite his surprise. See? Like he said: _it would be easy_.

“I’m convinced to keep it to myself all this time but… seeing your reaction recently—“

_Shoving, jabbing, hitting, basically spiteful towards you but sure, go on._

“—I think you deserve to know.”

_So what? So that I’ll feel sorry for you for being an asshole? So that I’ll feel guilty because I did harmful shit to you? So that I can take all of the fucking blame for keeping myself safe?_

“So that you would stop being in denial.”

Yixing’s accuracy struck Sehun right at his lungs and suddenly he couldn’t breathe for a split second. Rage built up within him, reaching his chest as it heaved up and down. Sehun was infuriated—at Yixing for saying that but more particularly at himself, because how could he allow Yixing to catch him off guard in this state, where he was extremely defenceless.

“I am _not_ in denial,” Sehun said, at which Yixing just smiled too genuinely it left a bitter pang in Sehun’s chest for lying.

“Then please tell me how you really feel.”

“I’m…” Sehun’s lips were gaping, forming words but the lump in his throat was back and not allowing him to verbalize his thoughts.

He tried again, this time using his hands to gesticulate what he was trying to say. “Just—“

 _Scared_.

Was the word Sehun kept failing to articulate. It was hanging on the tip of his tongue and he needed to spill it out because the sharp taste of it was slicing along his palate he could almost taste iron. But his jaw stayed clenched and unmoved, while his mind started replaying the awful past memories and pushing him deeper into his fear.

“Sehun,” Yixing said, taking a step closer and reaching out to touch his hand.

Sehun wanted to weep, to throw himself at Yixing and cry because he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted Yixing to hear, wanted to reciprocate Yixing’s feelings, wanted to—once again—be loved but his fear was prisoning him, restraining him from his one and only remedy. And when Sehun closed his eyes because looking at Yixing started to hurt, he felt a tear slip from the corner of his eye.

Yixing’s hand was cold when he brushed his thumb against Sehun’s cheek to erase the wet trail of the younger’s tear, but his breath was warm when he stood on his toes and ghosted his lips up along his chin. The tingling sensation made him took a sharp breath.

“You’re making it difficult,” Sehun whispered, his voice tired.

“Am I?” the older replied, his lips agonizingly brushing over the corner of Sehun’s chapped ones and the younger instantly _lost_.

Tilting his head, Sehun captured Yixing’s lips with his own in a bruising kiss; their noses were bumping, Sehun’s hands were grabbing Yixing’s face to pull him closer and closer as if there weren’t already and he was sucking at Yixing’s lower lip eagerly, earning a gasp, and Sehun slid his tongue in impatiently to have a full taste of the older.

Sehun was tugging at his waist to keep them together like he’d die if space were to grow even an inch between them and Yixing had to swallow a whimper when the younger accidentally grinded his hips against his groin.

“Sehun,” Yixing called between gasps before being silenced again by Sehun’s hungry lips. His face was burning and he swore he was sweating despite the freezing temperature.

“Sehun, hey,” he called again, this time really pulling away from the kiss and he almost shuddered at how Sehun’s pupils dilated as he kept his gaze on Yixing’s swollen lips. They were practically breathing in each other’s air and the younger was ready to dive into another kiss when Yixing suddenly stopped him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Yixing tilted his head, searching for Sehun’s eyes to convince him.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he repeated, and Sehun wanted to believe that but his mind was still clouded with worry. He wanted to trust Yixing so bad because when he engulfed Yixing in a hug, his face pressed against the older’s shoulder while he put Yixing’s words on repeat in his head, he felt at ease. He felt complete.

“Hyung.”

“Yes?”

“Stay with me tonight?”

There was doubt in Sehun’s tone but Yixing knew him too well to tell that the younger was asking for him to free him out of his cage. So Yixing took Sehun’s hand and pressed a long kiss on the knuckles, as if stamping an agreement that he’d rescue Sehun from his fear.

“You didn’t have to ask.”

.

.

.

Sehun felt it.

He felt the love, the affection that Yixing left behind each touch, each caress of his fingers along his skin, and with each kiss, Sehun swore he was _healed_.

“What?” Yixing asked, smiling, when he heard Sehun’s laughed.

“Nothing.”

“Whaaat?” the older poked lightly at Sehun’s cheeks and Sehun wrapped his fingers around Yixing’s, leaned down to collide their lips once again, not answering the question.

They were back in Sehun’s room, out of their coats and shoes and while it was still cold, it wasn’t as freezing and they could actually feel the atmosphere getting hotter the longer they refuse to part from each other.

Sehun was trying. His conscience was literally screaming in his ears, that he was an ultimate moron for risking this, and there was still some hesitation in his movements—his hands were trembling as they settled on Yixing’s waist with his fingers slightly tucked underneath his shirt and not daring to slide them further up to feel the smooth of his skin, his mouth never left Yixing’s even though the idea of running his lips down the older’s jaw to his collarbone seemed intoxicatingly sweet it would be a waste to not discover the taste of the other places—but he was really trying.

A push was all he needed and Sehun was relieved to see that Yixing was quick-witted enough to aid him with encouragements; he immediately guided Sehun to glide his hands up his torso, tilted his head and gave Sehun access to his neck (which he regretted the moment Sehun breathed on his adam apple and ended up dying in laughter), and dragged him to the bed.

“Sorry. Anywhere but my neck,” Yixing said, pushing Sehun down to sit on the bed. He rested his knees next to Sehun’s lap, straddling the younger, and circled his arms around Sehun’s neck.

Yixing’s face was a thousand times more ethereal up close, with his gentle eyes staring back lovingly at Sehun’s and that adorable dimple ornamenting his already enchanting smile, all basked in the dim lights of Sehun’s bedroom. He couldn’t remember when exactly and why he fell in love with the older, but those matters were better set aside because just like this, Sehun had fallen in love with Yixing all over again. And he wouldn’t need a reason why because his answer was right there, gathered in his arms and filling his heart full.

“As long as I get to have everything else,” he breathed, leaning down to plant a soft kiss on Yixing’s collarbone. The older flinched but gave no sign of objections, so he placed a few more, open mouthed now, earning a content sigh.

Sehun’s heart was clenching and unclenching painfully as the past images flashed in his mind, as if reminding him that he could still back out from this and save himself. His hands paused at the buttons of Yixing’s shirt, shaking and afraid and Sehun wanted to scream because the only thing he needed to be saved from was this endless fear which at this very point was eating him alive.

“I love you,” Yixing whispered into his ear, as if hearing his silent cry, and Sehun tightened his grip on the older’s shirt, trying to fight back his twisted conscience.

“ _I love you_ ,” he said again, this time adding more stress while he enveloped Sehun’s large hands in his and rubbed little circles with his thumb to soothe the younger. “And you’re fine. Being scared is fine.”

Yixing granted him with a passionate kiss, in which Sehun found solace and calm and strength to shove his fear to the back of his mind. Yixing was here in his arms, kissing him and loving him and that was enough for Sehun to set his anxiety aside and assure himself that everything would be alright. At least for now.

Their tongue met when Yixing licked his way into Sehun’s mouth, their breaths mingled and Sehun could feel a grunt buried somewhere in Yixing’s throat so he slipped his hands under the older’s shirt and let his fingers roam on the older’s back to paint the moon, stars and constellations Yixing never knew existed. When Yixing moaned, sweet and reverberating and stirring something in his stomach down to his groin, Sehun drew his hands from Yixing’s back and hurriedly undid the buttons that his fingers had refused to unhook earlier. He tossed Yixing’s shirt away as a surge of confidence stormed over him, pulled the older down, twisting their position in the process, and pinned Yixing against the mattress.

The way Yixing’s eyes widened in surprise was too adorable and Sehun attacked him with butterfly kisses on his face, down his jaw to his shoulders, and the younger groaned as he felt a hand reaching down to cup his half-hard member through his jeans.

“Someone’s eager,” Yixing teased, lifting his hips up to meet Sehun’s, rubbing them together.

Sehun almost laughed at himself because come on, he got hard from just a makeout session? But instead, he ignored the blush that was creeping to up his ears, down to the back of his neck—his face was probably drowned in awful crimson already—and pushed Yixing’s hips back to the mattress. Sitting up to take off his jumper, Sehun continued trailing kisses down the older’s torso.

Yixing was writhing under his touch, his abdomen flexed, defining his abs muscles as the younger slide his tongue lower and lower and he let out a yelp as Sehun lapped around the navel and Yixing arched his back in pleasure. Using the older’s moans as a prompt, Sehun crept his hands further down to pop open Yixing’s jeans button and stripped him out of his bottom but the older suddenly grabbed his hand and pulled him up, crashing their lips together once again.

Sehun didn’t remember how the tables were turned but now he was gasping under Yixing while the older worked his mouth on his neck, sucking a spot there and leaving a mark before ghosting his nose along Sehun’s chest, down his abdomen. Heat were spreading from the spots where Yixing had left his touches, drugging his brain and rendering Sehun half-conscious. Suddenly his pants have been thrown somewhere on the floor and the older was now pressing open mouthed kisses on his throbbing cock, through his briefs.

Shiver went down his spine when he felt a hand slip beneath his briefs and he bit back a grunt as Yixing wrapped his fingers around his member and took him out.

“Hyung— _oh_.”

It was embarrassing how Sehun seemed to can’t remember how to use his voice properly because the sounds he kept making, as he felt Yixing’s lips around him with his tongue lapping at the tip to the underside of his shaft, were incomprehensible even to himself. His fingers then found Yixing’s hair before he gripped at the dark locks, feeling the heavenly sensation as Yixing slid him further into his pretty little mouth along with the gentle strokes of his hand.

“Yes,” Sehun hissed, as Yixing hollowed his cheeks and started sucking, his other hand working down his shaft, massaging him slowly. He closed his eyes when Yixing started to bob his head. His hips then jerked up, following the new increased pace that elicited gasps from his mouth because _fuck_ — did the older know how to use his tongue.

Glancing down, he took in the image of Yixing swallowing him to the base and when they made eye contact, he could see tears puddling in the older’s eyes as Yixing gulped, his throat contracting around the head and Sehun lost it. His head fell back to the mattress as he thrust into Yixing’s mouth, his moans were getting louder the more he felt his head touching the back of Yixing’s throat, causing the older to choke and _oh shit_ — Yixing kept sliding him further in despite all the coughing, adding moans every few thrusts and Sehun’s hips buckled while his voice shattered into broken grunts.

“H-hyung stop, I’m—“

Sehun was pulling at Yixing’s hair but the older kept going as if he was trying to suck his life from his cock— _shitshitshit_ Sehun’s mind went blank upon the thought. His breath hitched before it turned into a low groan as he came into Yixing’s mouth and he eased back into the mattress, exhausted.

He heard Yixing cleared his throat and he slowly sat up, leaned back on his arms to watch the older wipe his mouth with the back of his hand and Sehun breathed out a chuckle as Yixing sucked the remaining cum on his thumb. This earned him a questioning look.

“I don’t think you know how seductive you can be,” Sehun explained, scooping the older to him. His arms snaked around Yixing’s waist and he feels as if they are made to stay there forever. “I suppose I should return the favor now?”

Sehun’s hand went lower and Yixing drew a sharp breath as he felt the younger’s hand stroking his hard member through his briefs. “Sehun—“

“Hm?” Sehun replied, his nose nuzzling at Yixing’s cheek and he planted a soft kiss there.

“Please,” Yixing pleaded, his hand slid down to find Sehun’s and the younger smirked.

“Please what?”

“Please _stop_.”

Pulling away, Sehun scrunched his eyebrows at Yixing, confused and slightly offended. He leans in then, trying to recreate the atmosphere but the older turns his head and offers his cheek instead.

“I would kiss you,” Yixing said, there was pity in his smile.

Sehun’s insecurity instantly rose and he looked down at his lap. What was he thinking? Of course, at the end he always got dumped, he shouldn’t have expected this case to be any different, right? It was the curse. Soon enough, Yixing would leave him like the previous two because there was no point in staying. Sehun was not valuable enough to be a reason for Yixing—or anyone probably—to be with him. He had gone through this twice, going through one more wouldn’t make him stronger. So maybe he should stop. Maybe he wasn’t meant to be loved anyway—

“You’re overthinking again,” Yixing said, his hands were perching on Sehun’s shoulder to draw his attention. “I would kiss you, but I’ve just been blowing you. And I don’t think you’d like to taste your own cum if we make out.”

Oh.

“Also, it’s 3 am. I’m tired. _You’re_ tired. And our schedule starts in about 3 hours. That’s why I said stop.”

Sehun wanted to claw at himself because how could he think that shallow of Yixing? Also, he really needed to leave his horrible memories behind, comparing the sweet present to his past weren’t going to make him be free of his fear. He should move on, especially when he’d got Yixing to focus on now.

“I’m sorry.”

Yixing’s smile widened at his apology. “Don’t be. Two heartbreaks did this to you. It could be worse.”

It was burning. Sehun’s face was _burning_ because he just realized how much he loved the guy in front of him. Hence the fact that Yixing had just had his seed in his mouth minutes ago be damned because all he could think of now is kissing Yixing and Sehun would be even more of an idiot than Chanyeol if he didn’t kiss him now, so he did. He cringed after they parted but it was still sensational.

Kissing Yixing was always sensational.

And Sehun was overjoyed to think that they’d be sharing more kisses from now on.

**Author's Note:**

> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/jaehyoons97) so you can inspire me with some prompts


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